


Silk and dark chocolate

by Morethancupcake



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe, Blindfolds, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gentle Dom Castiel, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kid Fic, M/M, Restraints, Safeword Use, Spanking, Therapy, hint of BDSM but nothing really graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-15
Updated: 2015-05-15
Packaged: 2018-03-30 16:28:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3943660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morethancupcake/pseuds/Morethancupcake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"If Castiel is honest, and he usually is, it never occured to him before he could one day be in love with Dean Winchester."</p>
<p>Pieces of the life Dean and Cas are building, together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silk and dark chocolate

**Author's Note:**

> From a prompt I got on tumblr. Anon wanted angsty D/S fic where Dean used his safeword. 
> 
> It's not exactly angsty, and not exactly a D/S fic, but I tried.

If Castiel is honest, and he usually is, it never occured to him before he could one day be in love with Dean Winchester.

If he's honest, and he tries to be, really, he always pictured himself with someone like Sam, someone calm, goofy and sweet. 

If he's honest, and maybe that's the most difficult part, Castiel being honest about his feelings, it wasn't exactly planned, meeting Dean, and meeting him again. Fighting with Meg and then hiding at the Winchester's, drinking beer and laughing at Sam's puns. Eating the delicious food Dean would put in front of him and feeling happy. 

 

He fell for Dean. For his smile, and the way he would pretend not to feel. It had been difficult, at first. Castiel was used to people being blunt, stating what they wanted from him, and letting him decide if he wanted them back.

He had learned a new kind of courtship, he had learned love could hide in tiny little things, small actions and whispered words. He had learned to read into the cup of coffee left at his desk when he was working. A plate of food, wrapped in foil, waiting for him after a long day. Dean asking him, out of nowhere "Are you good, Cas ?", "You need anything, buddy ?", "Call me when you're back, okay ?".

He had learned to read into the hand staying on his shoulder a little too long.

And it had been funny, really, in retrospect. It had been funny, because after that first kiss and the others. After the nights spend just sleeping next to Dean and watching cartoons in the morning with coffee and cereal, it had been so obvious how loving and kind Dean Winchester could be.

Castiel looks at his boyfriend, he looks at him when he's laughing and trading insults with Sam while they're trying to clean the attic, and it's so obvious, really, he doesn't understand how the whole world can't see.

Dean wants to be loved. Dean wants to please, and he does everything he can to take care of the people he loves. It's a little too much, sometimes, being the center of Dean's world, being the one pined under this look of pure adoration. 

"You okay there, Cas ?" Dean smiles, and comes to collect a kiss. "Not too bored or anything ?" 

Castiel kisses the worry away from his boyfriend's face.

 

At first, Dean had been really shy, and not ready to speak about what he wanted out of their relationship. "I'm happy with whatever you want to do with me, really." He had said, his head on Castiel's lap, almost purring. 

Castiel knew about the clubs. About Dean's past, and the people he would avoid, sometimes when they were going out. He had never been really curious, the little knowledge he had coming from Meg, but it had been clear this wasn't a thing Dean wanted him to know too much about. 

"They weren't... good people." Dean had tried to explain, face buried into Cas' neck. "People are supposed to take care of each other, it's supposed to be consensual, and safe. I was too young to know that."

It had taken a lot from him not to press Dean for more, not to ask for names, and to let himself be angry. He had just kissed the top of his head, and ran his fingers to the shell of Dean's ear, making him sighs and rest against him, boneless.

 

Their relationship was simple, in a way. Easy. Castiel didn't want to force Dean to talk, holding him close after his sessions with Doctor Moseley, and listening was enough. Dean knew Castiel had his own monsters, and what could've been a huge mistake, what was supposed to be unhealthy and dangerous, was in fact a nurturing and loving relationship.

Saying i love you had been an evidence, blurted in a parking lot trying to make all the groceries fit into the trunk, Castiel laughing at the absurdity of it all. Moving together had been another, Castiel's appartment forgotten and almost empty anyway, his books and clothes joining the mess in the old house. Marriage was around the corner, they both were making baby steps towards it, looking at Bobby's backyard with a new eye, maybe, but it was coming. One day. Soon.

 

Dean needed it, sometimes. He had taught Castiel, with gentle hands and pleading eyes, and Castiel had been a good pupil, eager to please. Still, some things were impossible, for him. He had started to shake so badly when Dean had asked if he was maybe ready to do more, to explore. "I can't, I can't don't ask me that, please, please, I can't."

Dean holds him close, and puts the big wool cover on the bed. He kisses Castiel's hair, and tries to stop his tears. "It's okay, Cas. It's fine. I promise, you're safe, we're safe, I promise."

"No pain."

"Alright. No pain. It's okay, baby, you're safe".

 

Dean asks again, sometimes. He tries to explain, how it's not just about the pain, really. How it's about trust, and how the pain is something he would enjoy. Still, Castiel says no. "I can't hurt you, Dean." he says. I can't trust you to stop me. I can't trust myself not to enjoy it too much. He doesn't need to say it.

 

Dean knows about Castiel's family, and how he only talks to his brothers, all living around the globe. He knows it's almost impossible to see two Novaks in the same room, and it has to do with the strict childhood under their aunt supervision. He knows, because Castiel never hides, but he never asks, because the small things Castiel says are certainly leading to worse, and Dean isn't ready to hear about it, Castiel's childhood maybe too close to some pieces of his past.

 

The sky is dark and the air smelling like rain when Castiel's phone rings, Michael's name lighting up in the dark of the kitchen. Dean watches with worried eyes, the way his boyfriend, his man transforms in front of him, the goofy smile letting place to cold eyes. Castiel knows it's making him nervous. He knows Dean doesn't know this Castiel, don't need to know how hard he can be.

"My uncle is dying." He accepts the cup of tea without even a smile or a thank you. Dean feels like a stranger suddenly, in their house. "Michael just wanted us all to know."

"Do you want to go...?" A tiny sound, not even a snort, is the only answer. 

"It's alright to feel sad, Cas." 

"I guess."

He leaves and stands under the rain for a while, face to the sky. He wishes he could forget, and push away the things swirling in his head, the monsters. Dean takes care of him, getting him under the warm water, then in their bed. He holds him and waits.

"I am not sad because he's dying." he whispers in the dark. "I'm sad because I can't feel in myself to be sad for him. I don't feel anger, or regret. I feel nothing for him." He breathes slowly, focusing on the steady beat on Dean's heart against his cheek. "He made me a monster, like him."

"You're not a monster, Cas." Dean kisses him slowly, carefully, it's like warm chocolate, it's sweet and intoxicating. Dean makes love to him slowly, carefully. When he's rocking them both, slowly, so slowly, he kisses his face, his eyelids, his brows, and Cas feels tears running to his ears. 

 

"Is that why you don't want to ...?"

"Hurt you ? Yes."

"Because you're afraid you'll turn into him. Into them."

"We can't know..."

"You would never do something like that. You would never hurt me."

"I don't know if you noticed, but you tend to see me as a saint, Dean. I'm not what you think I am, I..."

"You're an angel." 

 

"An angel, Cas, not a saint."

 

"Don't cry, angel. Come here"

 

Dean is moving under him, beautiful, strong. He wants to reach for him, and the restraints keep him from doing so. It's nothing, ribbons and silk, giving Dean the illusion of being held, and the moan Castiel hushes with his tongue is worth the hours spent trying to find something to make them both happy. Dean is close, he can feel it. The way his hips starts to move faster, the bruising kiss, the panting. Castiel wishes he could take the blindfold away, he wishes he could see the green eyes die a little under his body. 

Dean comes whispering his name, and it's enough to send him over the edge.

He lets himself go, pining the body under him, but Dean doesn't wrap his legs around him to keep them together. Not tonight.

"Red. Red ! Red !" 

It's a blurr, suddenly. Getting away, but still staying close enough to take away the blindfold and the cuffs, searching for Dean's eyes, searching for a clue, for anything that could explain. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't want to leave, not when Dean looks so distressed, but he doesn't know what to do.

"What do you need, Dean ?" He kneels on the bed and keeps his hands on his knees, keeping his voice low. "Dean...?" Dean is sitting on the edge of the bed, heads on his hands. 

"M'sorry."

"Don't be sorry, baby. Just tell me."

"Don't know." Castiel can hear the tears in his voice, but he can't reach. He can't pull Dean to him, no matter how much he wants to. 

"You need me to go ?"

"No. Please don't go, Sir. Cas. Please."

Dean takes his hand and asks for a bath. He wraps himself around Cas, and asks for kisses, and a story. It takes a while, but Dean finally giggles when Castiel tells him about Michael, who still calls him Peanut to this very day, and how it both makes him love and want to strangle his big brother with passion.

"Thank you for telling me how you felt, Dean." Castiel uses a cup to pour water on the freckled shoulders, and he can hear Dean almost purring. "That was really brave. You are perfect, baby. Perfect."

"I was ?"

"You are amazing. You always are." Dean smiles and turn so he can ask for a kiss. Castiel gets lost into his eyes, into the warmth, and love he sees. "I love you Dean."

"I love you too."

They're eating stranwberries in bed, sprawled onto fresh sheets smelling like lavender. Dean licks at the juice on his lover's finger before whispering.

"Don't pin me down. I couldn't see, I couldn't move... It was..."

"I'm sorry Dean." They kiss and make a mess, strawberries everywhere. 

"I love you."

 

Bobby's surprise is six years old. He has cropped dark hair, and dark eyes following their every moves. He has big glasses resting on his nose, a Dean can see the glue from where he stands, whispering with Bobby in the kitchen. Castiel watches them all, and he doesn't know where he's needed. He doesn't know if he should hold Dean's hand, or Bobby's. Or that little kid's so close to them, lost in his book.

"That's your surprise ? You adopted a kid ?"

"You know Jo. That girl was nothing but trouble, from day one." Bobby grumbles, but Dean can see how happy he seems. His hair smelling like shampoo, his clothes a little less a mess. He movies his chair around the house, getting everything ready for dinner. "What was I supposed to do, leave him to a foster home ? You remember those ?"

"Yeah. Yeah I do." Dean studies the kid, on the couch. He's a tiny thing, with dark skin and a big book under his arm. For Dean, Cas knows, he looks like a tiny Sam, lost and scared, and he doesn't have a tiny Dean next to him, to take care of the bullies. "Are you going to be okay, with him here ?"

Bobby's answer is more a mumbling than anything.

Castiel doesn't say a word to them, he doesn't need to. He takes the keys of the Impala and kisses Dean. He takes the grocery list Bobby keeps next to the sink, and he leaves. He's back with enough food for the week, and a few little things, like clothes, and books. A few candies. And ice cream. He goes to the couch, and soon enough, his new friend is listening to his deep voice.

Nathan holds Castiel's hand and doesn't let go, not when it's time for him to bathe, not when they're getting ready to eat. He's still shy, and not ready to talk unless spoken to, but he smiles a little more, and even laughs at Dean's jokes. It's Dean who says they could put the folding bed in their room, if he wants to sleep next to them.

 

Castiel is putting lotion on his feet when the kid turns from his coloring book and looks at Dean with eyes way too old for his face and asks :

"Is it a problem, that I'm Black ?" He looks so small in the bed they made for him in the corner, Castiel feels something in his chest, something like affection and warmth, something he isn't sure he's supposed to feel for a kid he just met today.

"No. Is it a problem that we're two boys, Cas and I ?"

"No."

 

It's Dean who goes to him in the dark and holds him when he cries after a nightmare.

 

They're buying food for a fishing day at the lake when Castiel says : "We could use my office." Dean lifts his head and stops for a minute his study of the different yoghurts. "We could make it a room."

"Sam's room. It's far away from ours, and there's a little garden on the window. He could grow plants. You could show him."

"Yes. Yes. I could." 

"You think the kid likes banana ? Or maybe strawberry ?" Dean frowns at the dairy section. "There's so many choices, what if he hates yoghurt ?"

"Let's try vanilla, okay ?" Dean smirks but doesn't say a thing, just gives him a little kiss when he puts them in their cart. "What else do we need ?"

 

They leave too soon, and Nathan tries not to cry until Castiel hugs him. His little body shakes with the sobs he's trying to keep at bay, and Dean kneels next to him, and promise him to come back soon. They still need to sort things out, and to actually talk to the child about what he wants, but there's hope, too. Still Nathan cries himself to sleep into Bobby's arms, and knowing this when they're driving away puts a hole in Castiel's chest.

The house seems too quiet, too big. They order pizza, and they sit together in Sam's room, eyeing the work ahead of them. 

"We'll need to be good, now." Dean whispers against Castiel's hipbone, making him shiver. "We'll need to make sure the kid is asleep, and to lock doors. You'll need to stay silent."

"Who's talking now ?"

When he grabs Dean's hair, a little too long after these three weeks, it's a shock to them both. He uses his hold to bring him to the bed, and to arrange him exactly how he wants, and he can see the blush under the freckles, he can see the way Dean pants into the sheets. The first slap is another surprise. The way Dean moans and arches to the next isn't, really.

 

"I would get my own room ?" Nathan looks even smaller on the screen, but he doesn't look so lost anymore. They skype almost every night, before dinner time, and he's spent the past ten minutes telling them about Bobby's lasagna, and how awesome it was, and how it would be so cool if they could all be together to eat them. Dean had started to talk a little about him coming over, a few weeks ago. To see how it could go. To see if he could be happy here with them. 

"Yes, buddy. A big room just for you. You could meet my brother Sam, too. And we could play in the garden."

"It would be awesome." 

Castiel smiles at his choice of word, but doesn't say anything. It's still a little difficult for him, not to be able to have Nathan with them right now. They need to be careful, and to give him time. He's supposedd to start school very soon, and Bobby already has a place for him ready. He's happy back there, and the old man seems younger too. He wishes they could all live together and happy, but life isn't so simple.

"I need to leave now, we're going to eat. Bye Dean, Bye Cas !"

"Bye Nathan."

Dean catches his eyes and smiles. "He's doing okay, Cas. Don't be sad, come on. We'll see him every week-end if you want, okay ?"

"Okay." Dean holds his hand and guides him to the kitchen. He still smells a little like paint, and there's sawdust in his hair. He laughs softly when Castiel claims his mouth, pushes him against the wall and keeps him there, a leg between his. 

"What's going on, there ?" Castiel kisses him again, softly. He looks at the new lines on Dean's face. He spots a grew hair at his temple and wants to kiss it, too. Dean's stomach isn't hard under his fingers, he's soft and smooth, and Castiel wants to run his lips to all these little places telling him this is it. They're doing it. They're getting old together, with a house, and the neighbour's cat who always in their garden, and an almost kid who could maybe be theirs. He drowns into the adoration he sees in Dean's eyes, knowing it's there in his as well.

"I love you, Dean."

"Yeah, yeah. Come on dork, pizza is waiting."

**Author's Note:**

> You can find it (and me !) here : http://iwanttopizzamanyou.tumblr.com/post/119025664994/could-you-write-a-n-angsty-d-s-fic-where-someone
> 
> Nice comments and kudos make my day. 
> 
> This is also the part where I tell you to strech your legs, walk a little around your house, and drink a glass of water, or a nice cup of tea. If it's way to late and you're supposed to wake up in the morning, go to bed nerd.


End file.
